


don't try this at home

by Baconfat



Category: Psych
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 05:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5856496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baconfat/pseuds/Baconfat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn and Gus' secret handshake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't try this at home

"I'm not talking to you, Shawn," Gus said through the sack of frozen corn he had pressed to his face. 

"Gus --"

"Do you know how hard it is to sell pharmaceuticals with an injury like this? Last time I had to go to work with a black eye -- which, may I remind you, was _also_ your fault --"

"How could I have known that duck didn't like to be touched?"

"-- Dr. Shwartz tried to tell me I have chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Which I'm still not convinced isn't true!"

"But you totally nailed the pity sale, Gus! And think, as soon as your eye stops throbbing, we can have corn! Delicious corn." 

Gus shot him a vicious glare, half of it filtered through a sack of corn. "I'm never shaking hands with you again."

Shawn looked sincerely hurt. Almost as if his best friend had given him a black eye. _Again_. "You don't mean that."

"You gave me a black eye, Shawn!"

Shawn held up his hands, playing innocent. "Gus, what happened, happened. It's in the past. There's no point now in throwing blame around all willy-nilly, especially since it's your fault that you forgot the handshake routine. After all the times I made you practice."

"I did _not_ forget the routine, Shawn. It goes open-handed horizontal slap, _reverse_ open-handed horizontal slap, then I go high for the vertical fist-bump, and --"

"Oh no no no, Gus, that's where you're mistaken. Don't you remember how we practiced? _I_ go high --"

"This was a special circumstance! The rules of the handshake -- of _any_ good handshake -- are that the _initiator_ goes high. _I_ initiated the handshake, so _I_ get to be on top."

"You did not! _I_ started the handshake after I solved the case!"

"You only solved the case because _I_ picked up on the clue in the black-light poster!"

"Gus, I always value your contributions to my cases but I had _totally_ noticed that clue and just hadn't said anything about it yet. And besides, you're the sidekick."

Gus had to take the corn off. The one-eyed glare wasn't going to do it this time. "I am _not_ your sidekick."

"Gus, stop talking like a crazy delusional person who doesn't know who the sidekick is. I am the detective, you are the sidekick, and the sidekick is on the bottom in any and all handshakes. Did you ever see Robin getting all up in Batman's face with an uppity handshake? No."

Gus gestured violently with the bag of corn. "The rules are that whoever starts it is on top, Shawn, everybody knows that."

"What rules? What are you even --"

"And I guess since I'm just the _sidekick_ , you won't be needing me to drive you around anymore. You can take the Bat-cycle, except for how, oh, it's been impounded again." He slapped the corn back on his face, as if to say, _yes, I went there._

"Gus."

Gus didn't look at him. Gus didn't even _listen_ to him. Gus was thinking about his route, and wondering if he'd be able to get a good concealer to match his skin tone.

"Gus."

Gus was thinking that he'd never given _his_ best friend a black eye. Sure, there was that thing in junior high with Theresa Sanderson's quarterback boyfriend, but that hardly counted. Gus's role in the injury itself had been minimal at best.

Shawn sighed, the great big 'fine, Gus, I'm letting you have your way but just this once because you're my best friend' sigh he used at least three or four times a week. "Gus, I'm sorry you did the handshake wrong so that I accidentally punched you in the face. Alright?"

Gus held out a little longer just to spite him, and to enjoy the cool, soothing feel of corn on his face. "You're just embarrassed 'cause you did it in front of the murderer. And Juliet. And Lassiter. And Chief Vick. I could press charges, you know. They're all witnesses."

"Fine, Gus, I'm sorry. And I can't believe Jules fussed over you like that. It's not like you've never been punched in the face before. And Lassiter pulled a gun on me! Again!"

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd just followed the rules."

"Enough with the crazy made-up rules. All this means is we need to practice some more."

"I know you're just doing this because of Lassiter and Juliet's handshake."

"I am not _but it was so cool!_ Come on. Okay, slap, reverse slap, and then --"

Fortunately there was a bag of frozen peas in the freezer.


End file.
